Its fucking hot Jock Strapper’s !
Out here in the field temperatures have been exceeding thirty degrees!
What can I say though; this tanning weather is giving
my black ass the polished look it deserves!
Technically I’m on sick leave, so I can enjoy this hot
weather to full effect as I’ve got man thrush from that filthy bitch
Ermantrude. So as long as I’m itching I
aint fucking!
Any moo, during my time off relaxing and sunbathing
Matt the Farmer called me into the yard to consult me on his new business plan.
Now some people are painting a dim view of
agriculture at present. They are stressing over a multitude of factors that affect
every angle of the business at it looks to the future.
These factors are: Cost of feed for livestock,
changing weather patterns (in other words the fucking weather), ugly milk maids,
an ageing workforce, the fucking weather, lack of decent new blood coming in,
cracked iPhone screens, the fucking weather, the rising price of arable land,
less opportunities for farm ownership, the fucking weather, the rising price of
new and second hand ag kit, the fucking weather, a macro cultural lack of
environmental awareness, the fucking weather, Jumped up cattle, cuntish
magpies, the fucking weather and worst of all a
lack of female topless scare crows.
So some farmers that cop the fuck on are analysing
these negative factors and looking for new and creative ways to combat them.
I’ve mentioned farming diversification and raising awareness to fucking death
in the past. This time by boss, Matt the farmer and my union rep, Handsome
James have come up with a genius way of bringing a new way of working to the
farm as well as helping to combat a really fucking awful situation too.
Commercial Honeybee farming.
Bee’s are on the decline Jock strapper’s and its
thought that there are a many reasons as to why this is happening.
This is not good. I love a bit of honey with my maize
silage on a cold winters morning! It gives you that morning fuck energy kick
you need when you’ve gotta do the back doors of a hundred and one cattle before
elevenses. I don’t need to not have that supplement otherwise people may start
to doubt my stamina!
Also I like a bit of honey in my tea too. Yes I drink
tea.
And I like candles. Not that I’m scared of the dark.
I am the dark.
Honey Bee - Risk
So we need to help with the situation! The EU banning
the use of some chemical’s may not bee the only solution Jock Strapper’s as it
could force farmers into potentially using old skool variants of them that
don’t count in the ban, which could royally reek some havoc.
Farmers Weekly magazine has been all over this issue
in 2013. Check out the links below and learn up on the problem!
Farmers Weekly - All over it
I thought Matt and Handsome would bee extremely
pro-active in tackling these issues. I thought they would bee at the forefront
of innovation, the spearhead of success and basically well good at it >> using an
intricately thought out, practical and simple method to fight the problem.
However, (please understand the implied sigh when I
write however), it cant bee that simple can it Jock Strapper’s? It never
fucking is down on this farm
Just to get you up to speed: Bee’s have a season –
April until around September…..Cos that’s when there is pollen and nectar to be
had, hashtag thatswhattheyeat – innit?
In the winter they chill in their hives and get
wasted on honey. Good work. So commercial bee farmers are busy bees between
these summer months.
Some farmers around these parts have been crying out
for bees to come and see to their crops, which really shows bee decline is
becoming a real practical problem.
Some area’s of Europe have vast expanses of farmland,
pasture land, set aside land and forests that bees love. Some areas of Eastern
Europe notably in Romania and Hungary have mobile bee keepers and colonies!
During bee season they hit the road to find the
sweetest forests, fauna and flowers! They make honey on the move and sell their
wears in towns and even at the side of the road! They transport their bees in
everything from lorries to converted shepherds or roadman’s huts.
Yep – you already know what’s coming next – I don’t
even have to tell you.
Sooo… Matt The Farmer’s tactical opp's meeting consisted of:
“Jock, you are the linch pin of our diversification
strategy. I feel as though I haven’t developed you enough or given you the
opportunity to expand your agricultural knowledge and awareness. I know how
much you want to travel, to broaden your horizons and gain some key skills
going forward”.
- Management talk, ughhhh
Meanwhile Handsome James was jumping around the
farmyard with excitement in a bright white bee suite like a ferret on acid.
What a dick.
So it turns out that Handsome is learning beekeeping
ways and we’ve got to go do a Reckie in Romania. Our mission is to learn some of
the lingo, befriend some bee keepers, sample the honey, check out mobile bee
wagons, have a go by learning on the job, oh and yeah, guess who’s been charged
with pulling said wagons? we are authenticating it right up
Romanian's - Yeah I know
Yeah that’s it > because I’m a pack horse – cunt (as
you know I have to say cunt after the word horse…. cunt as horses are cunt's).
I protested, a little ;-)
‘But they’re all gypsy….counts and vampires over
there’! I screamed.
- Like what I did there ;-)
But as I shouted the odd’s Handsome James looked so
excited… with those big gay puppy dog eyes of his looking at me through his gay
ass bee suite when I kicked off. He needs a change of direction any way the
fucking looser.
So I agreed, and the mission is on. We are going to
Eastern Europe to check out how mobile bee farmers do things on the road. If we
like what we see we will do the same back here and help out our farmer friends
that cant get enough bees to pollenate their crops.
BEE-UNIT!
I’ve always
fancied shagging an eastern European cow any way, could even turn out alwright,
so long as they don’t get me a white bee suite…
Handsome James - Bee keeping twat of a trade unionist
LOOK OUT FOR MORE SHENANIGANS AS WE PREPARE TO DO EASTERN EUROPE JOCK STYLE! THE GAME IS ON.....
I'M NOW ON TUMBL!! jockthebull.tumblr.com/
DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER!! twitter.com/jockthebull >> @jockthbull
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