VEGANS!

As you know Jock Strapper’s my day job involves a lot of meaningless sex. Don’t get me wrong I'm not complaining, but one day I would like to feel some companionship too. Having said that it can be hard out here in the field, living the dream down on the farm. You don’t get many chances to meet people and as per all the shit that went down earlier this year at the bath and west show, there is always another bull ready to step up and take your mantle. So you just have to keep on pumping!

Last week I was chatting to my mate, Cut 'N' Paste Wayne as he has had a dabble with some on-line dating. Now I'm not one to judge as you know but there are some right weirdo's out there and if he wants to get aids then fair play to him.

It was one profile I came across however as we were browsing the many generic profiles that consisted of gym, walking on the beach, socialising with friends etc that caught my eye.

(Honestly girls, try something new you boring fucks)

One girl had literally written war and peace on her profile. She was a vegan and all about the 

feminism and animal rights…. Yeah you know what’s coming next ;-)

She believed that:

All sentient beings are glued to the foundations of this world and therefore any attempt to subtract their souls for the purpose of nourishment murders an aspect of the process of being

On a fucking online dating profile.

Really?!

Now I’m no hater, so I didn’t message her, but it got me thinking about vegans and other weirdo's that don’t eat the food that we work hard to produce, here on the farm.

Cut 'N' Paste by the way, literally cut n pasted her profile pic as she was wearing a go-vegan t-shirt. Last year he missed out on the village darts team and reckons this will spur his aim on a tad if he prints it out. 

Ok then.

Anyway, I went about asking a few of my friends what they thought about internet vegans…..

Dave the piercer:

Don’t they die really young and stop having periods?

TopGunKes:

Jock you fucking bell end ive warned about woman on the internet before. She was probably a Russian Spy, give me her details and I’ll send a drone up, make sure it all checks out.

Handsome James:

I can change her!!

Drum roll please……

      

      Frank The Peacock:

Live and let live Jock, it’s not as if there are many of them. I can take care of the really militant ones, make ‘em disappear, ya know?

Matt The Farmer:

I bet she has small tits.

Knuckles The Magpie:

It’s the likes of her that end up staining my fucking cauldron!

So there we go Jock Strapper’s, not much love for alternative diets round these parts. That said not every meal is about meat! Aaaaand one of my favourite Wrestler’s, WWE’s Daniel Brian is a vegan! Ok he’s the shortest guy in their entire roster and moans like a cunt but he has some sweet moves and has featured in some quality matches so far this year. Watch him face off against John Cena for the WWE championship this August at Summerslam!

And speaking of August!

All this food talk has got me thinking: The heat waves, the flat chested vegans and now the wrestlers! I am going to compile a full recipe (starter, main and pudding) that can be appreciated in the deep sun of august, by fucktards (vegans), grappler’s (wrestlers) and my extremely analytical friends who were so kind to give their two pennies worth earlier in this instalment.

So next week >>> look out for a recipe that really does please everyone which can be enjoyed come the heavy rain or penetrating sunshine of August. As you know I’m all about the great meat taste! But can I transfer my ideas to meet everyone’s needs??