HIGH TREASON

You can always trust an Olympian and my one has copped right on and pressed some metal for me. So now Princess Cara is basking in fake milk bottle tops as if she was adopting a Dead Sea floating jerk off position. The pile is literally that high. The gambling will start in earnest, I’ve no doubt but I have more pressing things on my mind such as Farm Steak Fest!

Handsome James has pulled off the blag of justice and sorted out a massive shipment of prime Aberdeen Angus steak from a red headed Scottish bird. It will be used for the free samples and the eating competition.

Therefore, Handsome James has been rewarded with a place on the Beef Jerky Jury. God knows what he had to do in return, but sorces close to me claim that they have spotted him in kilt, in the middle of a busy round a bout; at rush hour. You do the math. – Nice to see my birthday present is being used Frank – only joking Handsome – sure its massive ;-)

To keep things ticking along quietly I’m assuming that you think I am going to add the pigeon advisor to the jury too to keep the eeevil bitch magpie at bay.

fuck that.

Things are brewing up nicely between me and her and I have pencilled in Halloween to finally sort this magpie business out for good, as on that symbolic date she is organising some sort of community boxersise event at the farm. I intend to make it utter havoc.

No doubt this is the first part of her plan to set up an inter magpie gambling ring. if we have a load of magpies descend on this place it will be carnage. They steal, leave a mess pitch up in any old tree and generally do what they want, when they want.

I have taken a massive risk and hired the three deadly snakes Jerry The Adder warned me against….. And for giving me these contacts in the first place – he’s last on the jury.

Now; I’m not a big fan of the private sector. I never deal in domestics or captives as they roll a seriously different way to me and my other friends on the farm.

However when promised riches these bad boy snakes are well up for it. And now I have a balled headed welder fabricator ex Olympian on my side I can forge them whatever many a tempting treat.

Watch this space people… Princess Cara thinks her boxersise bonanza will be the main event at Halloween…. Well I say its open season… or should I say… open treason.

                                                 These three snakes will fuck you up!

On a more positive note…

Ive been made aware that many people in the community are going to have a bash at doing some beef jerky for Farm Steak Fest.

Home made beef jerky can either be made in an oven or with a dehydrator and entrants at Farm Steak Fest may use either to make their jerky.

Whichever method you choose it will be a test of using correct quantities, ensuring a good eye for a great cut of meat and above all – patience!

The process of making beef jerky can’t be done in five minutes. Some argue that the best flavours in meat come from slow cooking methods and this my friends anchors that notion ten fold.

                                       NESCO is a very popular brand of dehydrator in the USA 

If you are making ‘quick jerky’ your welcome to prepare your dish at the farm. Judging will be the final event of the festival, so you must have your jerky ready at the specified time.

I was going to treat you to some recipes but I don’t want to show favouritism to certain ingredients or styles. I don’t know what Handsome James or Jerry The Adder are looking for but you should know me by now and you should know that I am about one thing and one thing only: TASTE. This doesn’t mean flavour enhancers, sugars and an excess of spices. It means a great meat flavour!  Accentuated by some subtle but suggestive substances. But rememeber:

Beef jerky is good for you……

Its low fat, high protein and you have to use lean beef as overly fatty beef makes for rancid jerky. And rancid jerky is not the way forward. However thinking about it would be a great name for a punk band!

Beef jerky is massive across the pond…..

Our North American friends lap it up. We don’t so much over here however. So I intend to inject a little diversification into this farm and begin promotion and eventual production over here, but not before a little R and D though…..

The winner of the Beef Jerky Jury will be found  “Guilty of Indulgence”. You will get to name our new beef jerky product when it goes into production, when a magnum of champagne and what’s more you will earn my fucking respect -

The end.

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NEXT WEEK: There will be a nice muti-cultural vibe to the steak fest. Before it gets going I intend  to bring you some amazing Chinese beef recipes that are simple, quick to make and above all TASTE great!