THREE FOR A GIRL

So I’m feeling quite bullish. Apparently its not the badgers that are doing us in - Farmers weekly says so right here.

Still, it pays to remain vigilant and not get diseased. I’m guessing those cunning buzzards are aware of the badger cull being somewhat off target and are planning their next offensive.

That’s fine by me Jock Strapper’s – bring it on I say.

Frank’s dug in and knows where they are at and I know have a weapon up my sleeve that is the literal bitch incarnate…

Yeah that’s it, I’ve found Princess Cara of Purbeck!

If you have forgotten a few past shenanigans and need to get re-acquainted with this anti-bird, bird - then why not have a gander at her origin story:

Now I suppose you are going to want to know how I found her, right?

Milk bottle tops.

Shiny ones that to a magpie are irresistible. And I know where they are made, remember?

So I sent my bestie TGK down to the specific factory in question to ask them about any concerns they may have been having with said product going missing…..

PCP is a criminal uBBer bitch that will stop at nothing to be queen of the castle. Obviously she designed a crime ring to steal these lids and then sell them on to the magpie community at price that is mutually beneficial for all.

And guess what Jock Strappers – that’s what she is doing…. All over fucking Europe – and a bit of Russia, standard.

Fair play to her, so I got TGK to give her a little letter that I wrote…

TGK snuck in a few nights back and left it by the production line with a handmade ivy crown on top of it adorned with twenty pence pieces.

I took the cap in hand approach. Said that Knuckles was under the thumb of a religious bird that pretty much just keeps him at home and is far too fucking happy clawry.

Went on to say that a victory against two birds of prey would look good on her gangster portfolio aaaand she can have a free packet of our top notch jerky. No dodgy deals this time, no promises that can’t be delivered on and definitely no village coups.

Well she turned up yesterday, perched herself on the gatepost of my field lit up or switched on an e-cigarette looked straight at me and said:

‘You owe me a pigion’

luckily I detected more than a hint of sarcasm in her voice and thought straight away maybe, just maybe she’s on side.  

Turns out she was thank Knuckles!

She was appalled the above mentioned dark bastard deity had got back with the bible bashing ex.

Furthermore, she wants to have a crack at the buzzards too. Reckons that last time fisty cuffs were had against a bird of prey she got shot at by a ranger as she picked a fight with a red kite and they are all new and nationally monitored and that.

Says she turned it into a brown kite if you catch my drift, but had to retreat before she got even more shot.

Any way, she thinks Alan Buzzard will actually be the weaker of the two physically. She plans to end him first and then use Sharon Buzzards aggression against her when she witnesses it. Wants to toy with her first, pluck a few arse feathers, cut her face a bit.

What a fucking bitch!

I seriously love that shit!

#girl