BOOM

                             #BOOM!                        

Hello...

I couldn’t keep away from cyberspace for that long my dearest Jock Strapper’s!

As you know I left the a while ago now due to a string of bad managerial decisions and since then I have had to do a lot of life evaluating.

I’ve done some inner searching too aaand listened to Enigma.

I draw the line at incense though; nothing good will ever come of incense, or a return to incense.

See!

Get the Enigma pun?! No? Ok.

So let’s paint a picture here people….

No one knows where I am, except for that darkest of bastards Knuckles the Magpie.

He’s kept shtum over the matter, because I know he’s in marriage counselling and he doesn’t want anyone else to know that. He is mixed up, supressed, over analytical, 

powerful, a killer, confused, paranoid and agitated.

I’m surprised he’s let this marriage stuff go on for this long. I get the distinct impression he’s not that far away from snapping and something or someone is gonna burn real soon

I do miss that zippo, it solved many problems in the past.

                         #literallyinflamesBOOM

Any way, I am staying on a farm run by what could only be described as an environmentalist and a quite likeable twat of a man.

It’s smaller in scale to my old one and operates strategies in renewing things.

I’m not getting involved with the management this time round as no one ever fucking listened to my advice in the first place. Plus us blackies are a dying breed in the minds of environmental sorts. Apparently beef farming causes loads of damage on this fair planet.

Any way, going into autumn I’ve come to appreciate a more relaxed and less rampant way of existing.

I’m becoming centred and less inclined to want to hang out the back of any thing that is black, female and has a pulse.

I have am slowly coming to learn that in life, there are people bigger and more powerful than us. Like that elephant for example, Abs.

Like that elephant for example, Abs.

I left his blog online after I had left my computer signed into Blogger. Have safely changed my password now though, so he won’t be publishing any more of what can only be described as complete drivel.

And to be taken for a proper ride by the horse (cunts), I mean really?! With all the spiritual insight he has, he can’t even see a horse (cunt) for what it really is. 

That is called failing at life Jock Strapper’s,

Failing. At. Life.  

I’m not feeling at all belittled or bitter about that situation by the way; I’m just stating the facts. 

It’s probably quite a passive aggressive move leaving that blog up there if I’m honest, as it really does illustrate his naivety.

What sort of two bit operation gets in an elephant anyway?!!!!

We have a traction engine here.

I’m sure you are dying to know who else I share my new lands with…..

The animals here are ok, some are seveer bell ends but I think that’s got something to do with what they are made to eat, so I don’t judge their behaviour that much.

A couple of key characters to watch out for here are – Larry The Rat, reckons he knows engines and reckons he can weld too. Yeah. You picture that. A rat wearing a welding mask.

Seems bullshit prevails wherever you wind up.

Then there is Malice the Magpie! Yes! I know what you are thinking! A clone of Knuckles, I direct advocacy or an even darker tag team partner in crime?!

After all, the name suggests wrongness on all levels.

However. This poor fuck had Goth’s for parents. Was brought up on a strict diet of Motorhead and Placebo. I mean, woah! I feel for the poor little cunt…..

So guess what happened to poor old Malice?

Yep that’s right, Malice the Magpie turned Hipster! Has his very own Leica camera and everything!

God I hate Hipsters.

So, so much.

                                                                                           #wouldliketomakethiscuntgoBOOM

But this Malice chap’s all wright! And I kinda forgive him because he was abused as a child.

Its been nice to acquaint myself with you guys again. And I know what you are thinking, what’s my play? I cant just be lamenting my function in life here at this new joint.

Well, I intend to play the long game. Plans are a foot to remove the elephant, the manager and the owner from what I had come to describe as my home.

This cannot be done overnight however.

I will keep you updated and if you’re lucky I might even tweet about it.nd has a pulse.